FASTER ELECTRIC GREEN: THE FUTURE OF SCHOOLS

 

Electric Scooters for the Future School

I’ve seen a few electric scooters recently helmed by adults riding the pavement. And I am aware of a discussion regarding the merit of this development: some claiming (wrongly, obviously!) that the collision risk from a 20 stone land whale scootering at 20 mph outweighs the benefit to the hungry juggernaut of getting to the burger bar quicker. This debate brought to mind a discussion that my class had regarding the pros and cons of this new tech.

As part of the school’s pupil democracy initiative, classes were invited to propose playground improvements. While doing so, a male pupil suggested the provision of electric scooters. He then had to fend off accusations that boys would just use them to chase girls – a fair point. This fun-filled image of screaming girls and whooping boys, perhaps with lassos, had to be put aside when another, and kinder, use was suggested: a better way to complete the Daily Mile*for those pupils who suffer from ‘sore legs’ when they run, or just can’t be bothered due to laziness and fatness. This was a genius level idea, which, even as it crushingly defeats the purpose of the Daily Mile, perfectly epitomises the diabolic connection between tech and health which the Daily Mile is apparently designed to address. Alas, all this came to a disappointing naught, and the scooters were not adopted. School management, it appears, really doesn’t care about what the pupils think or want; and I know that you'll be as surprised as me with the implication that the various pupil committees and opinion surveys are just for show to deceive the parents and wider public. And for inuring our pupils, as future citizens, to the irrelevancy of their democratic opinions about anything. 

However, some good news: it was recently reported that, given the trend in childhood obesity, such scooters (with beefed-up frames) may indeed become a commonplace in school. This to ensure that infant fatbergs don't turn up to class tired out from walking from their car drop-off  to the classroom. This is a powerful response to those nayayers who never see any good in technology. And to those who complain about greenhouse gas emission, I would remind them that the scooters are electric powered. So you can go faster and save the planet faster! And as for those smart Alecs that claim that the electric charge stations themselves depend on even more fossil fuel than just using fossil fuel directly (!) Ha ha, got you there! – we have been informed that these electric charge stations will be powered by government statistics and bullshit, and you don’t get any greener than that. So, ha ha; got you back! 

For my part, I would swap a whiteboard update for the cost equivalent of a half-dozen class-based electric scooters and a quad bike. Some tasks would surely get done quicker; and even if this was just chasing girls at playtime, this alone would justify the cost.

What think ye?

PS. I am pleased to report that, thanks to IT upgrades, the daily mile is now completed digitally. The pupil carbon footprint is a bit bigger, of course, (like the waistband) but we now avoid ‘really’ sore legs and the terrible dangers of getting wet should it rain while outdoors.

 NOTES

*  An idea that primary schools, rather than parents, should be responsible for promoting weight loss and fitness among their children; and that the best way to do this is to have the children run a mile every day. Basically, then, the school should become like a sort of fitness camp. Of course, children should be running miles every day anyway, but not as (as in the Daily Mile) running a continuous mile, as an adult runner would. I think I’ll return to this topic in a later blogpost, for it nicely illustrates the idiot-level thinking that relentlessly attends the curriculum, and just as relentlessly dips the public purse.